The Gratitude Project: Day 26

Hello again! I trust you have enjoyed this Christmas season, with or without the crazy family dynamics and, shall we say, "interesting" moments where all or few are gathered. This was the second year that my husband and I were with his family for Christmas, and the second that we weren't with mine -- although last year my family blessed us with a gathering in November, which felt like our usual Christmas, complete with trimmed fir tree, the farmhouse decorated with lights, snow on the ground, and singing Christmas carols together as a family after sharing a meal together. I love those traditions! And, while my family certainly is far from perfect, I have always sensed a true joy radiating from them over the holidays -- not because of the material or commercial implications, but rather because of the opportunity it gives us to come together as family and encourage one another by our presence and, yes, sometimes also some small presents as well. Ahhh, homynyms!!!

At present I find myself with the usual holiday sinus cold, but despite the endless blowing and sneezing I am inspired to write. Why today and not on healthier days? Perhaps I become more reflective when my energies are not sufficient for running around or cleaning the house; perhaps I realize how inconsistent I've been in writing; perhaps I just find pure enjoyment in the act of writing... . I think all three are true. And so, let me grab a mug of steaming chai which I've got simmering on the stove (yes, it's a home made brew, complete with cardamom pods, cinnamon sticks, whole cloves, fresh ginger root, a wee bit of anise and peppercorns, a bit of green tea, and topped off with some milk and honey!), and we'll continue this reflecting together.

I have long been one who weaves in and out between happiness and melancholy. First off, I suppose I should establish what I mean by those two terms; while some might argue that its just semantics I am convinced that it is of utmost importance to begin any discussion with the working definition well intact so that all parties involved might understand clearly what is meant by the terms in question. That said, this "happiness" which I mentioned above is something that I'm still trying to pin down. To my thinking, a more accurate, and perhaps noble, goal is that of contentment. To be content signals a balance of peace, perspective, effort, patience, and acceptance. Does it include being happy? Does "happy" mean a perpetual smile on one's face? Optimism? Constant euphoria? I know that, when left to my own devices, I can slip into a state of brooding -- a state which I have affectionately termed my "Ecclesiastes Phase," for it is characterized by my feeling that "everything is meaningless!" -- but, on the whole, I am generally a content individual. (I must also insist here that I believe that contentment and complacency are to very divergent things -- and I shall never strive for the latter).

And so, I have grappled with the legitimacy and possible importance of this contemporary fad of seeking happiness. In all honesty, I was inspired to follow the idea of The Gratitude Project by Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. I was feeling down, which, as I reflect back upon it as objectively as I might upon something in my own life, seems rather to be expected after a year of so many changes -- many of them positive, but some of them also difficult: moving to a different country and culture, then moving three times within that new country; leaving behind all friends and family save my wonderful husband; leaving behind a job and not having a new one here, as I still await acceptance for a work visa; and, what has hit me hardest -- and most surprisingly so, to me -- was the leaving behind of all social networks. Now, I am a true introvert in that I re-energize through time alone, but I also delight in the company of a few close friends and having the opportunity to be able to invite them over and share a coffee or dinner and, undoubtedly, wonderfully open and authentic conversation. Of course, there are also the daily acquaintances that one takes for granted -- the people I saw every morning and afternoon when they came in to get their morning cup of coffee or tea in the café where I worked, the hundreds of other students on campus and in my classes on weekdays, and the small community of friends at the church where I attended and directed music. And while there are moments when one feels they have too many social engagements or pressures (and I often felt this way), the entire and sudden absence of all is an incredible shock even to the introvert.

It has now been just over one year since I left my previous home to come to my new one, and as I look back I can see all the marvellous changes and the slow, mysterious workings of the Spirit and our ever-present God. And all the beauty and hope shines far brighter than the difficult moments and causes me to be thankful for all that surrounds me -- but I still need help in those bleak moments. And so I reflect, I seek a more eternal perspective rather than a self-centred present-day focus, and I write it out for you and for me. And underneath and on top of it all I am content -- not always elated, but often smiling and, even in the difficult moments, hopeful of the redemption that I know will work its way in and then work its way out.

1. Home -- I am grateful for a space to come to, a space which can reflect my life, a space to share with my husband and with others. I love to invite people in -- not huge crowds, but rather one or two people, or the occasional dozen or so -- and to bless them with food and music and a relaxing, inspiring environment. I am grateful for a roof over our heads, and one that hasn't been flooded as many homes have in Panama this month. And I am grateful that, despite the overuse of the cliché, home really is where the heart is -- where friends and family gather -- and that "home" can move around and be adaptable as needed.

2. Piano -- For as far back as I can remember, and then even farther, I have always been in love with the music that can be created on the piano. Such expression, life, creativity, diversity! And I find that my soul connects with something far deeper than the simple ebony and ivory when my hands come alive on the keys. I am grateful to have had parents who saw the importance of giving me piano lessons for more than a dozen years, grateful to my teachers who helped me to learn and to grow, and grateful for the opportunities I have had to share music with others from my heart.

3. Keipo -- Our dog Keipo is such a joy! He's my first dog (I was always partial to cats before him), but he certainly is setting a high bar for any potential dogs to come! Of course, we follow the formula of exercise, discipline and affection for him (inspired by el Encantador de Perros, or The Dog Whisperer, César Millán), and we have seen how he thrives on this routine! I love taking him for an early-morning walk, and many people in our neighbourhood, along with some of their dogs, are already familiar with him. I've even had people stop me on the street to ask whether we have taken him to a private trainer (which we haven't). And he's very playful and obedient, and he always keeps us laughing with his puppy antics! He reminds me not to take things too seriously, to stop and smell the roses (at least, that what I do while he's sniffing out other things!), and to enjoy life -- which truly is easier alongside him and my wonderful husband!

The Gratitude Project: Day 25

Is gratitude the same as happiness? Somehow I don't think so. Is it a step toward "being happy"? I'm not too convinced of that, either. Maybe it's just semantics, but I think that, oftentimes, happiness is overrated. A happy person isn't necessarily a fulfilled person or a contented person. And isn't it possible to be rather melancholy, and yet at peace with life? I believe so. Is happiness something to strive to attain? Perhaps; however, I'm not convinced that it should be our end goal.

There are many subjects in life -- unavoidable themes that touch almost every person -- which are neither happy nor uplifting topics to be discussed; and yet, in order effectively to deal with such issues, they must be engaged. Things like emotions, illness, financial struggles, personal problems, questions about the future, discrepancies between a couple concerning how many children they want to have, or whether they're able to at all. Death, relationships, loneliness, aimlessness -- all are themes which touch our lives to varying degrees and which, if we are want to break past them and continue to heal and to grow, we must confront head-on and be honest about with those who surround us.

Are we happy during these times? With few exceptions, no. But these can be turning points which spur us on to brighter futures, clearer days and cloudless confidence in who we are and our ability to tackle certain undesirable situations and still come out okay.

And it is in these moments of honesty and transparency that exists the potential for some of the greatest connection and support between two people. Looking back to several of these moments over my life, while I acknowledge wholeheartedly that they were not happy times, I am forever grateful for them. Some of them have taken years to digest, and some I continue to attempt to break down and understand, but in the end all shed light upon the complexities of life -- of what I so selfishly at times call my life, but which, in its truest form, is life here on this earth throughout history, affecting the present day, and touching the future.

I find that being grateful is not always the same as feeling grateful, but in the end I believe they are connected and, thankfully, both states lead me to a place where I am not quite so exigent upon the people and systems around me; they lead me to being more understanding, more patient, and, hopefully, more kind.

And so, while my life is far from perfect, I know that it is beautiful, and I am grateful for the things -- both little and not-so-little -- which shape it into the unique existance that it is:

1. Good Foam -- Few things in life excite me so much as ordering a latte and then receiving one topped with beautiful foam. Dense yet light, creamy and reminiscent of merengue, masterfully-made foam is a little taste of heaven! It transforms a simple latte into a tasteful work of art, and my coffee drinking ritual into a rejeuvenating moment that makes my spirit soar!

2. The Colour Orange -- Even in the years before I studied a bit of colour psychology, orange has long been my favourite colour. What on this earth so quickly communicates such exuberance and cheer as this bright colour?! While some may be put off by its harshness, I prefer to see it as vibrant. Looking to colour psychologists, they praise the warmth and energy of the wide range of orange colours, as well as the socialization it inspires. According to Suzie Chiazzari, author of The Complete Book of Colour, the colour orange "frees emotions, promotes self-esteem and the capacity to forgive. This stimulating colour fights depression and cultivates good humour." Apparently, the personal attributes given this colour seem also to fit my profile: the list of characteristics that Chiazzari uses of those who often wear or employ the colour orange includes active, competent, independent, competitive, impatient, motivated, creative, practical, full of energy and well organized. I'll leave it to those who know me best to state which of these apply to me!

3. My Computer -- Not owing to any particular make or model, my computer is among the things for which I am grateful because of the manner in which it keeps me connected to those I love. It enables me to communicate through the written and spoken word, whether for others or myself; it allows me to produce public or private creations, assigned or chosen works, and to access a whole wealth of information existant in the cyber world. It truly is a wonder!

The Gratitude Project: Day 24

Onward and upward!

As my husband and I continue to be in an exceedingly drawn-out period of waiting for him to receive several months' pay for the job he is currently in, we are, out of necessity, holding off on decorating our home -- or buying living room furniture, of which we presently have none. Not a chair, a rug or even an end table. Of course, we are eager once again to enjoy the luxury of a sofa in our home, but we recognize that it is just that: a luxury.

Although I admit that this time of waiting and of highly restricted budget has had its challenges and stress-filled moments, it has also offered us a time of seeing priorities more clearly. Things that we say are "needs" become exposed as the "wants" they truly are; learning to be content in all situations, whether in moments of plenty or of doing without, becomes a possibility if I am open to it; and thankfulness for what we do have -- each other, our health, our love, and our mutual support -- becomes our ongoing cheerleader and brings optimism to a seemingly hopeless situation. I have become grateful for many "little things" which I previously enjoyed almost daily and which, for now, are hopes and dreams for the future. And, in the extra hours which I spend in our home and not at a job, I have been exploring these dreams of what I hope is a not-too-distant future -- dreams which include the following things for which I truly am grateful. (As this post is going with an overall decorating theme, I have taken the liberty of including some photos which have particularly inspired me):

1. Painting -- Some may know that I had the privilege of working for a paint company several years ago; a job which, on the surface, would seem inconsequential but which, inadvertently, prepared me for a future love of painting once-drab walls with delightfully vibrant colours! The very act of painting I find relaxing, particularly the cutting-in -- which is the very phase which most painters abhore. In it I find peace, tranquility and beauty as I convert my home or another's into a unique work of art, and I look forward to the day when I can take this step with our own current home!

2. Plants -- I need not digress about the richness of life that a potted plant brings to any room. Just imagine the inspiration offered by growing numbers of tropical plants which will someday grace the whole of our home!

3. Texture and Art -- Fabrics, area rugs, furniture styles and colours, paintings and photos framed along the walls -- these are just a few of the elements which make up any room, distinguishing it from all other places on this earth! And what could be more lovely than artfully grouping together such pieces as will bring added life, colour and vibrancy to our house?!

The Gratitude Project: Day 23

The list goes on!

1. Potlucks -- Ever since I was a child I have enjoyed the excitement and variety offered by a potluck. And not just excitement and variety of food; the people who gather are equally as varied in personality, background and style. And the more, the merrier! What a great opportunity for each guest to share a dish with a personal touch -- undoubtedly also offering a glimpse into the type of food that she or he most enjoys. And there's nothing like a growing spread of food to encourage lingering conversation!

2. Caroling -- Whether participating in the act of singing for others or on the receiving end of carols being sung outside the door to your home, Christmas caroling brightens the lives and the faces of all involved. Warmth and cheer, giving and delight are all a part of the experience, and it offers a chance for neighbours and strangers to become connected in a beautiful way!

3. The Christmas Season -- While I think that Christmas has become, in many ways, over-commercialized, I do appreciate and am grateful for the fact that it serves as a reminder to show love and kindness to those around you. It encourages me to be generous -- not in over-spending on things to keep up appearances or in an insincere attempt to impress; rather, in my words and my actions, and in thinking of others and how I might surprise them with simple pleasures. I have my Grandma and my Mom to thank for much of this: I was raised in an environment in which guests are always invited and welcome, and where hospitality takes on the form of offering food and drink, and encouraging conversation and genuine connection. This sense in me is almost innate, perhaps in part because of the ease with which these two women in my life have so naturally received and entertained friends and family, and in part because of the own value I place on relationships. In any case, I am grateful for the additional opportunities that the Christmas Season offers me to connect with those who surround me and to brighten their day in my encounter with them, however brief or extended that may be.

The Gratitude Project: Day 22

It may be considered cheating to post for more than one day at once, but I'm so far behind and have broken so many rules that, really, this whole activity cannot become much more inconsistent! :-) And, after all, I'm the one in the driver's seat here!

And now to continue reflecting upon some of life's greatest gifts:

1. Forgiveness -- I never cease to be amazed at the love and grace extended when one person forgives another. And I know that I have been the recipient of such grace far more often then I deserve to have been, for I know that, intentionally and unintentionally, my actions and words hurt those around me far more often than what they deserve. Whether because of selfishness, nearsightedness, pride, impatience, or imprudence, or a horrible combination of these, I know that I am imperfect. And I am working on getting even just a wee bit better day by day. And it has been a pleasant surprise for me to find that it is in my still-recent marriage that I most often have these opportunities to change what could be a detrimental gut-reaction and temper it instead with love and patience, with kindness and understanding. And to wait before reacting. I know my husband certainly exercises this kind of grace with me.

2. A Simple Life -- As far back as I can remember, possibly in part having to do with my temperament, I have been drawn to and appreciated a life lived simply. Clutter makes me feel anxious, and meaningless running around and scrambling causes me to want to hide myself away. But true, intentional living I find synonymous with peace and integrity. From uncluttered and streamlined furniture to organized work and storage spaces, from a clean, uncrowded kitchen to a refreshing, restful bedroom -- all this, to me, speaks of calm and of life. I do not enjoy amassing things either out of boredom or a "must-have" mentality; rather, I prefer each element in my home or in my space to have a specific (or multiple) purpose(s) ranging from beauty to functionality. And simplicity with time is another crucial factor. What use is a simple home if the family is always rushing either around inside it or out to another event? A simple life, to me, must include healthy meals with loved ones, reflection, laughter, work, music, rest, and quiet -- all in moderation. This style of living breathes into me new life each day!

3. A Change of Pace -- My husband and I just returned this week from three days in El Salvador, a country which neither of us had visited. We truly enjoyed our time there, between a bit of sightseeing, walking and relaxing. And leaving the comfort zone of our own home in a familiar city always makes me see things with new eyes. There's nothing like a change of pace to remind me how much I appreciate the life I do have, or to remind me of what is missing in terms of relationships and misplaced priorities! And for that fresh breath I am grateful.

The Gratitude Project: Day 21

Happy December to you all!

As I sit down to write I find myself listening to Christmas music for the first time this season, and it lights me up inside. The very song playing at the moment is A Christmas Jig/Mouth of the Tobique Reel from Yo-Yo Ma's Christmas Album. I would like to share it with you here; unfortunately there is no video, but at least it will provide some unconventional seasonal music enjoyment!

I believe myself to be in good company as I express additional feelings of gratitude during the Christmas season. Whether you celebrate the Christ side of Christmas, or simply enjoy a different aspect of the holidays, I think you will find a certain inexplicable warmth and cheer underscoring these weeks to come. For many, Christmas brings many stresses as well -- shopping in crowded malls and stores, drawn-out searches for "the perfect gift," additional activities and events crammed into an already-crowded calendar, possible travel in less-than-excellent road conditions, and extended time spent with relatives -- but there are so many factors that bring pure enjoyment and ever-present reminders simply to delight in the present, as in the here-and-now, with loved ones and to make each moment a special memory for the days and years to come.

It is in this spirit of anticipation and delight that my inspiration for gratitude is drawn today:

1. Christmas Baking -- I generally draw much more pleasure from cooking than from baking, but the inevitable exception is that, during the Christmas holidays and the weeks leading up to them, I transform into a veritable Suzy Homemaker and find myself whipping up all sorts of delectable concoctions: piping hot beverages, sweet and spicy treats, and an array of goodies to have on hand for any impromptu or planned gathering with family and friends. And the possibilities are endless! With ginger, cloves, cinnamon, vanilla, cardamom and anise, one can create such delightful, flavourful goodies -- and, of course, they always taste better when accompanied by some egg nog, mulled wine or cider, spiked coffee or the like!

2. Sweaters -- While I do enjoy the ever-present warmth of the tropics, I have always taken pleasure in the coziness of those moments at home on brisk-cold winter evenings, wrapped in a sweater and wool socks with a mug of hot chocolate, a good book, and perhaps a blanket. And if there's a fire in the fireplace? Heavenly!

3. Wrapping Gifts -- The adjective "creative" isn't one of the first that comes to mind when describing myself, but there are certain activities in which my creative side certainly does come to the surface and shine -- and gift wrapping is one of them. I can (and do!) spend hours on end choosing colourful paper, ribbons, tags and the like, mixing and matching them to create unique and truly personal gifts which express my love for family and friends both inside and out. After all, if a gift is an expression of one's esteem for another, why not extend that expression to the creativity involved in enveloping the token inside?