A Welcome; and a Disclaimer

**The name for this blog might sound pretentious, but that really isn't my intention. Rather, the inspiration for the title came from my realization that, although far from perfect, I strive always to be a better person and to influence those around me in positive ways. While I may not be as influential as Mother Theresa or Gandhi, I do believe that my actions have a ripple effect on the people, things, and environment surrounding me. Please join me as I process this exciting journey!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 26

Hello again! I trust you have enjoyed this Christmas season, with or without the crazy family dynamics and, shall we say, "interesting" moments where all or few are gathered. This was the second year that my husband and I were with his family for Christmas, and the second that we weren't with mine -- although last year my family blessed us with a gathering in November, which felt like our usual Christmas, complete with trimmed fir tree, the farmhouse decorated with lights, snow on the ground, and singing Christmas carols together as a family after sharing a meal together. I love those traditions! And, while my family certainly is far from perfect, I have always sensed a true joy radiating from them over the holidays -- not because of the material or commercial implications, but rather because of the opportunity it gives us to come together as family and encourage one another by our presence and, yes, sometimes also some small presents as well. Ahhh, homynyms!!!

At present I find myself with the usual holiday sinus cold, but despite the endless blowing and sneezing I am inspired to write. Why today and not on healthier days? Perhaps I become more reflective when my energies are not sufficient for running around or cleaning the house; perhaps I realize how inconsistent I've been in writing; perhaps I just find pure enjoyment in the act of writing... . I think all three are true. And so, let me grab a mug of steaming chai which I've got simmering on the stove (yes, it's a home made brew, complete with cardamom pods, cinnamon sticks, whole cloves, fresh ginger root, a wee bit of anise and peppercorns, a bit of green tea, and topped off with some milk and honey!), and we'll continue this reflecting together.

I have long been one who weaves in and out between happiness and melancholy. First off, I suppose I should establish what I mean by those two terms; while some might argue that its just semantics I am convinced that it is of utmost importance to begin any discussion with the working definition well intact so that all parties involved might understand clearly what is meant by the terms in question. That said, this "happiness" which I mentioned above is something that I'm still trying to pin down. To my thinking, a more accurate, and perhaps noble, goal is that of contentment. To be content signals a balance of peace, perspective, effort, patience, and acceptance. Does it include being happy? Does "happy" mean a perpetual smile on one's face? Optimism? Constant euphoria? I know that, when left to my own devices, I can slip into a state of brooding -- a state which I have affectionately termed my "Ecclesiastes Phase," for it is characterized by my feeling that "everything is meaningless!" -- but, on the whole, I am generally a content individual. (I must also insist here that I believe that contentment and complacency are to very divergent things -- and I shall never strive for the latter).

And so, I have grappled with the legitimacy and possible importance of this contemporary fad of seeking happiness. In all honesty, I was inspired to follow the idea of The Gratitude Project by Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. I was feeling down, which, as I reflect back upon it as objectively as I might upon something in my own life, seems rather to be expected after a year of so many changes -- many of them positive, but some of them also difficult: moving to a different country and culture, then moving three times within that new country; leaving behind all friends and family save my wonderful husband; leaving behind a job and not having a new one here, as I still await acceptance for a work visa; and, what has hit me hardest -- and most surprisingly so, to me -- was the leaving behind of all social networks. Now, I am a true introvert in that I re-energize through time alone, but I also delight in the company of a few close friends and having the opportunity to be able to invite them over and share a coffee or dinner and, undoubtedly, wonderfully open and authentic conversation. Of course, there are also the daily acquaintances that one takes for granted -- the people I saw every morning and afternoon when they came in to get their morning cup of coffee or tea in the café where I worked, the hundreds of other students on campus and in my classes on weekdays, and the small community of friends at the church where I attended and directed music. And while there are moments when one feels they have too many social engagements or pressures (and I often felt this way), the entire and sudden absence of all is an incredible shock even to the introvert.

It has now been just over one year since I left my previous home to come to my new one, and as I look back I can see all the marvellous changes and the slow, mysterious workings of the Spirit and our ever-present God. And all the beauty and hope shines far brighter than the difficult moments and causes me to be thankful for all that surrounds me -- but I still need help in those bleak moments. And so I reflect, I seek a more eternal perspective rather than a self-centred present-day focus, and I write it out for you and for me. And underneath and on top of it all I am content -- not always elated, but often smiling and, even in the difficult moments, hopeful of the redemption that I know will work its way in and then work its way out.

1. Home -- I am grateful for a space to come to, a space which can reflect my life, a space to share with my husband and with others. I love to invite people in -- not huge crowds, but rather one or two people, or the occasional dozen or so -- and to bless them with food and music and a relaxing, inspiring environment. I am grateful for a roof over our heads, and one that hasn't been flooded as many homes have in Panama this month. And I am grateful that, despite the overuse of the cliché, home really is where the heart is -- where friends and family gather -- and that "home" can move around and be adaptable as needed.

2. Piano -- For as far back as I can remember, and then even farther, I have always been in love with the music that can be created on the piano. Such expression, life, creativity, diversity! And I find that my soul connects with something far deeper than the simple ebony and ivory when my hands come alive on the keys. I am grateful to have had parents who saw the importance of giving me piano lessons for more than a dozen years, grateful to my teachers who helped me to learn and to grow, and grateful for the opportunities I have had to share music with others from my heart.

3. Keipo -- Our dog Keipo is such a joy! He's my first dog (I was always partial to cats before him), but he certainly is setting a high bar for any potential dogs to come! Of course, we follow the formula of exercise, discipline and affection for him (inspired by el Encantador de Perros, or The Dog Whisperer, César Millán), and we have seen how he thrives on this routine! I love taking him for an early-morning walk, and many people in our neighbourhood, along with some of their dogs, are already familiar with him. I've even had people stop me on the street to ask whether we have taken him to a private trainer (which we haven't). And he's very playful and obedient, and he always keeps us laughing with his puppy antics! He reminds me not to take things too seriously, to stop and smell the roses (at least, that what I do while he's sniffing out other things!), and to enjoy life -- which truly is easier alongside him and my wonderful husband!

Friday, December 10, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 25

Is gratitude the same as happiness? Somehow I don't think so. Is it a step toward "being happy"? I'm not too convinced of that, either. Maybe it's just semantics, but I think that, oftentimes, happiness is overrated. A happy person isn't necessarily a fulfilled person or a contented person. And isn't it possible to be rather melancholy, and yet at peace with life? I believe so. Is happiness something to strive to attain? Perhaps; however, I'm not convinced that it should be our end goal.

There are many subjects in life -- unavoidable themes that touch almost every person -- which are neither happy nor uplifting topics to be discussed; and yet, in order effectively to deal with such issues, they must be engaged. Things like emotions, illness, financial struggles, personal problems, questions about the future, discrepancies between a couple concerning how many children they want to have, or whether they're able to at all. Death, relationships, loneliness, aimlessness -- all are themes which touch our lives to varying degrees and which, if we are want to break past them and continue to heal and to grow, we must confront head-on and be honest about with those who surround us.

Are we happy during these times? With few exceptions, no. But these can be turning points which spur us on to brighter futures, clearer days and cloudless confidence in who we are and our ability to tackle certain undesirable situations and still come out okay.

And it is in these moments of honesty and transparency that exists the potential for some of the greatest connection and support between two people. Looking back to several of these moments over my life, while I acknowledge wholeheartedly that they were not happy times, I am forever grateful for them. Some of them have taken years to digest, and some I continue to attempt to break down and understand, but in the end all shed light upon the complexities of life -- of what I so selfishly at times call my life, but which, in its truest form, is life here on this earth throughout history, affecting the present day, and touching the future.

I find that being grateful is not always the same as feeling grateful, but in the end I believe they are connected and, thankfully, both states lead me to a place where I am not quite so exigent upon the people and systems around me; they lead me to being more understanding, more patient, and, hopefully, more kind.

And so, while my life is far from perfect, I know that it is beautiful, and I am grateful for the things -- both little and not-so-little -- which shape it into the unique existance that it is:

1. Good Foam -- Few things in life excite me so much as ordering a latte and then receiving one topped with beautiful foam. Dense yet light, creamy and reminiscent of merengue, masterfully-made foam is a little taste of heaven! It transforms a simple latte into a tasteful work of art, and my coffee drinking ritual into a rejeuvenating moment that makes my spirit soar!

2. The Colour Orange -- Even in the years before I studied a bit of colour psychology, orange has long been my favourite colour. What on this earth so quickly communicates such exuberance and cheer as this bright colour?! While some may be put off by its harshness, I prefer to see it as vibrant. Looking to colour psychologists, they praise the warmth and energy of the wide range of orange colours, as well as the socialization it inspires. According to Suzie Chiazzari, author of The Complete Book of Colour, the colour orange "frees emotions, promotes self-esteem and the capacity to forgive. This stimulating colour fights depression and cultivates good humour." Apparently, the personal attributes given this colour seem also to fit my profile: the list of characteristics that Chiazzari uses of those who often wear or employ the colour orange includes active, competent, independent, competitive, impatient, motivated, creative, practical, full of energy and well organized. I'll leave it to those who know me best to state which of these apply to me!

3. My Computer -- Not owing to any particular make or model, my computer is among the things for which I am grateful because of the manner in which it keeps me connected to those I love. It enables me to communicate through the written and spoken word, whether for others or myself; it allows me to produce public or private creations, assigned or chosen works, and to access a whole wealth of information existant in the cyber world. It truly is a wonder!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 24

Onward and upward!

As my husband and I continue to be in an exceedingly drawn-out period of waiting for him to receive several months' pay for the job he is currently in, we are, out of necessity, holding off on decorating our home -- or buying living room furniture, of which we presently have none. Not a chair, a rug or even an end table. Of course, we are eager once again to enjoy the luxury of a sofa in our home, but we recognize that it is just that: a luxury.

Although I admit that this time of waiting and of highly restricted budget has had its challenges and stress-filled moments, it has also offered us a time of seeing priorities more clearly. Things that we say are "needs" become exposed as the "wants" they truly are; learning to be content in all situations, whether in moments of plenty or of doing without, becomes a possibility if I am open to it; and thankfulness for what we do have -- each other, our health, our love, and our mutual support -- becomes our ongoing cheerleader and brings optimism to a seemingly hopeless situation. I have become grateful for many "little things" which I previously enjoyed almost daily and which, for now, are hopes and dreams for the future. And, in the extra hours which I spend in our home and not at a job, I have been exploring these dreams of what I hope is a not-too-distant future -- dreams which include the following things for which I truly am grateful. (As this post is going with an overall decorating theme, I have taken the liberty of including some photos which have particularly inspired me):

1. Painting -- Some may know that I had the privilege of working for a paint company several years ago; a job which, on the surface, would seem inconsequential but which, inadvertently, prepared me for a future love of painting once-drab walls with delightfully vibrant colours! The very act of painting I find relaxing, particularly the cutting-in -- which is the very phase which most painters abhore. In it I find peace, tranquility and beauty as I convert my home or another's into a unique work of art, and I look forward to the day when I can take this step with our own current home!

2. Plants -- I need not digress about the richness of life that a potted plant brings to any room. Just imagine the inspiration offered by growing numbers of tropical plants which will someday grace the whole of our home!

3. Texture and Art -- Fabrics, area rugs, furniture styles and colours, paintings and photos framed along the walls -- these are just a few of the elements which make up any room, distinguishing it from all other places on this earth! And what could be more lovely than artfully grouping together such pieces as will bring added life, colour and vibrancy to our house?!

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 23

The list goes on!

1. Potlucks -- Ever since I was a child I have enjoyed the excitement and variety offered by a potluck. And not just excitement and variety of food; the people who gather are equally as varied in personality, background and style. And the more, the merrier! What a great opportunity for each guest to share a dish with a personal touch -- undoubtedly also offering a glimpse into the type of food that she or he most enjoys. And there's nothing like a growing spread of food to encourage lingering conversation!

2. Caroling -- Whether participating in the act of singing for others or on the receiving end of carols being sung outside the door to your home, Christmas caroling brightens the lives and the faces of all involved. Warmth and cheer, giving and delight are all a part of the experience, and it offers a chance for neighbours and strangers to become connected in a beautiful way!

3. The Christmas Season -- While I think that Christmas has become, in many ways, over-commercialized, I do appreciate and am grateful for the fact that it serves as a reminder to show love and kindness to those around you. It encourages me to be generous -- not in over-spending on things to keep up appearances or in an insincere attempt to impress; rather, in my words and my actions, and in thinking of others and how I might surprise them with simple pleasures. I have my Grandma and my Mom to thank for much of this: I was raised in an environment in which guests are always invited and welcome, and where hospitality takes on the form of offering food and drink, and encouraging conversation and genuine connection. This sense in me is almost innate, perhaps in part because of the ease with which these two women in my life have so naturally received and entertained friends and family, and in part because of the own value I place on relationships. In any case, I am grateful for the additional opportunities that the Christmas Season offers me to connect with those who surround me and to brighten their day in my encounter with them, however brief or extended that may be.

The Gratitude Project: Day 22

It may be considered cheating to post for more than one day at once, but I'm so far behind and have broken so many rules that, really, this whole activity cannot become much more inconsistent! :-) And, after all, I'm the one in the driver's seat here!

And now to continue reflecting upon some of life's greatest gifts:
1. Forgiveness -- I never cease to be amazed at the love and grace extended when one person forgives another. And I know that I have been the recipient of such grace far more often then I deserve to have been, for I know that, intentionally and unintentionally, my actions and words hurt those around me far more often than what they deserve. Whether because of selfishness, nearsightedness, pride, impatience, or imprudence, or a horrible combination of these, I know that I am imperfect. And I am working on getting even just a wee bit better day by day. And it has been a pleasant surprise for me to find that it is in my still-recent marriage that I most often have these opportunities to change what could be a detrimental gut-reaction and temper it instead with love and patience, with kindness and understanding. And to wait before reacting. I know my husband certainly exercises this kind of grace with me.

2. A Simple Life -- As far back as I can remember, possibly in part having to do with my temperament, I have been drawn to and appreciated a life lived simply. Clutter makes me feel anxious, and meaningless running around and scrambling causes me to want to hide myself away. But true, intentional living I find synonymous with peace and integrity. From uncluttered and streamlined furniture to organized work and storage spaces, from a clean, uncrowded kitchen to a refreshing, restful bedroom -- all this, to me, speaks of calm and of life. I do not enjoy amassing things either out of boredom or a "must-have" mentality; rather, I prefer each element in my home or in my space to have a specific (or multiple) purpose(s) ranging from beauty to functionality. And simplicity with time is another crucial factor. What use is a simple home if the family is always rushing either around inside it or out to another event? A simple life, to me, must include healthy meals with loved ones, reflection, laughter, work, music, rest, and quiet -- all in moderation. This style of living breathes into me new life each day!

3. A Change of Pace -- My husband and I just returned this week from three days in El Salvador, a country which neither of us had visited. We truly enjoyed our time there, between a bit of sightseeing, walking and relaxing. And leaving the comfort zone of our own home in a familiar city always makes me see things with new eyes. There's nothing like a change of pace to remind me how much I appreciate the life I do have, or to remind me of what is missing in terms of relationships and misplaced priorities! And for that fresh breath I am grateful.

The Gratitude Project: Day 21

Happy December to you all!
As I sit down to write I find myself listening to Christmas music for the first time this season, and it lights me up inside. The very song playing at the moment is A Christmas Jig/Mouth of the Tobique Reel from Yo-Yo Ma's Christmas Album. I would like to share it with you here; unfortunately there is no video, but at least it will provide some unconventional seasonal music enjoyment!

I believe myself to be in good company as I express additional feelings of gratitude during the Christmas season. Whether you celebrate the Christ side of Christmas, or simply enjoy a different aspect of the holidays, I think you will find a certain inexplicable warmth and cheer underscoring these weeks to come. For many, Christmas brings many stresses as well -- shopping in crowded malls and stores, drawn-out searches for "the perfect gift," additional activities and events crammed into an already-crowded calendar, possible travel in less-than-excellent road conditions, and extended time spent with relatives -- but there are so many factors that bring pure enjoyment and ever-present reminders simply to delight in the present, as in the here-and-now, with loved ones and to make each moment a special memory for the days and years to come.

It is in this spirit of anticipation and delight that my inspiration for gratitude is drawn today:

1. Christmas Baking -- I generally draw much more pleasure from cooking than from baking, but the inevitable exception is that, during the Christmas holidays and the weeks leading up to them, I transform into a veritable Suzy Homemaker and find myself whipping up all sorts of delectable concoctions: piping hot beverages, sweet and spicy treats, and an array of goodies to have on hand for any impromptu or planned gathering with family and friends. And the possibilities are endless! With ginger, cloves, cinnamon, vanilla, cardamom and anise, one can create such delightful, flavourful goodies -- and, of course, they always taste better when accompanied by some egg nog, mulled wine or cider, spiked coffee or the like!

2. Sweaters -- While I do enjoy the ever-present warmth of the tropics, I have always taken pleasure in the coziness of those moments at home on brisk-cold winter evenings, wrapped in a sweater and wool socks with a mug of hot chocolate, a good book, and perhaps a blanket. And if there's a fire in the fireplace? Heavenly!

3. Wrapping Gifts -- The adjective "creative" isn't one of the first that comes to mind when describing myself, but there are certain activities in which my creative side certainly does come to the surface and shine -- and gift wrapping is one of them. I can (and do!) spend hours on end choosing colourful paper, ribbons, tags and the like, mixing and matching them to create unique and truly personal gifts which express my love for family and friends both inside and out. After all, if a gift is an expression of one's esteem for another, why not extend that expression to the creativity involved in enveloping the token inside?

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 20

Greetings and Happy November to all!
I know; it's a tardy acknowledgement of the present month, but I've been M.I.A. for a few weeks now and am now crawling back with my proverbial tail between my legs, penitant for my absence. Had I been more disciplined, this would be more like Gratitude Project: Day 53, but I trust that my sole reader out there will be understanding and forgiving, granting me the freedom to move at my own pace.

I've been rather stuck in my own head space, which, in past experience, can become somewhat of a vicious cycle, difficult to free myself from its grasp, but I believe awareness is a good beginning in finding balance. And so, I share with you my three things for the moment:

1. I am grateful for Colour -- How better to liven up a room -- or one's life! I am hard-pressed to find something which cheers me as deeply or as quickly as dressing myself in my favourite orange blouse, or drinking a coffee from my purple hand-crafted mug, or sitting in a green armchair with a good book or a glass of wine. And walls painted in bright hues -- divine! I was privileged to have a creative housemate who was as fond of colour as I, and we painted our house to our taste: a beet-red kitchen, eggplant-purple sitting room, avocado-green entrance and bathrooms, and mango-yellow hallways. It was fantastic! So cheery, so unique; one can leave their own mark on a moment simply by the colour she brings into a situation, and I love the creativity that such variations on colour inspire.

2. Smoothies -- Flavourful, colourful, healthy, and so many variations available! In my opinion, a smoothie is always a welcome addition to any meal -- particularly breakfast. My personal favourites are: a) Blueberry and Banana with a splash of Lime; b) Papaya; c) Peach-Strawberry; d) Raspberry. Of course, I've never turned down a smoothie of any kind yet!

3. A Cozy Sweater -- I always find it so comforting to cuddle up in an old, favourite sweater on a rainy or breezy day. Of course, don't expect me to get much of anything done aside from reading or napping; there's just such abandon in wrapping up in the warmth and comfort as though it were a trusty old friend. Ahh...thinking of such moments almost makes me want to move from the tropics of Central America back to the Canadian prairies -- almost!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 19

Continuing along with the theme of my Keipo-eaten sandals, and true to my husband's word, last night we went looking for some new ones to replace my favoured old ones. We did, in fact, find a pair with which I bonded almost immediately and which fit the requirements of the job description, so I parted with a little more money than I would have liked to and they made their way home with us.

This morning I decided to put them to use on Keipo's morning walk, particularly since our path was muddied by last night's falling rain -- and off we went! Unfortunately, at about the halfway point of our walk, I began to feel a slight discomfort on my left pinky toe and my right big toe...but there was naught for me except to push onward towards home. And, of course, as I quit my new purchase upon entering our house, I was greeted by two newly-formed blisters.

Aarrrrgh!!!!

Whether this is a lesson in forgiveness, in flexibility, in generosity, in patience, in responsibility -- or all these combined -- and despite how "little" an issue this may, in fact, be, it seems I will be working this out so that the lessons can work their way into my life and who I am. And I do desire to be more easygoing in matters such as this, so I will also be using my husband as a case study. :)

And now, to share some things which I have already internally processed, and for which I am grateful:

1) VantagePoint3 -- A few years ago now, I was blessed with an invitation from a good friend of mine to participate in The Emerging Journey stage of VP3, "a lifechanging discipleship and spiritual formation process" which took the form of meeting with a group of 11 others on a weekly basis for 8 months. It was nearly the equivalent of taking another university course, and from the outset the VP3 materials make it clear that there is a significant commitment required on the part of each participant as far as the time, effort, and energy needed fully to contribute to and take advantage of this discipleship course. It was to be a year of even more growth and depth than I had imagined, and it truly has impacted my life. It had me asking more questions and seeking out more answers, looking at the true character of God and of myself, and working out how it is that God and I can work in tandem if I am open to what God presents to me. Much of who I am today -- at least, the positive side of me -- has been shaped by what I learned with the fellow disciples in VP3, and I would love to share the journey with others!

2) Laughter -- Is there any sound more pleasant? Of course, there are a few people on this earth who bleat out obnoxious sounds where there should be a melodious laugh, but, on the whole, laughter brightens and cheers, and brings two people or a group together. And I am so glad that my husband and I laugh often and deeply, enjoying the sheer pleasure and hilarity of any given moment!

3) "Pink Coffee" -- In mid-2009, when my nieces had just turned 1- and 2-years old, and I at the time working at Starbucks Coffee Company, I was preparing for one of my frequent visits to my sister's apartment after work. Each time I went there I brought her a different beverage -- hot, cold, espresso-based or not -- and, each time, the girls wanted a coffee of their own. So I was ecstatic the day it occurred to me to bring them each a kids' steamed milk with some raspberry syrup so that they could enjoy their own "coffee" along with their mommy. And it was a hit from the get-go! They still talk about "pink coffee," and my husband and I have enjoyed introducing them to the world of creativity through beverages. And now that we are living in Central America, my eldest niece is convinced that I just don't get to come visit her because I have to spend so much time working at Starbucks! Ahh, the life of a child!

Monday, October 18, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 18

I so often fall so short of my ideal of the person I want to be. I know that nobody is perfect, which brings a bit of comfort...but that isn't sufficient reason for me to neglect my shortcomings and work to smooth out the rough edges of my character.

A simple occurrance yesterday shone a rather fierce spotlight on one area in particular: how bothered I become by something being wrecked. I can deal with a broken dish or a cracked glass, or even the usual wear and tear on shoes, clothing and other daily-use items, but when something is suddenly destroyed "for no reason," as I find myself saying, it is a struggle for me not to fly off the proverbial handle.

Last night Ramón and I were getting ready for bed when he decided to check on our dog. He left our bedroom and immediately I heard, "Oh, Keipo!" -- and when I asked what had happened, his response was, "Something that you're not going to like very much:" Keipo had chewed off, in numerous pieces, the entire top of my most-used flip flops (thankfully, not my Birkenstocks!) and was working away at the toe, rendering the right sandal completely useless as just a sole.

Now, you may point out, flip flops are easily replaceable. And you're right, they are. But, to my imperfect self, that is not the issue. The injustice, to me, is that my formerly perfectly-useful and very frequently worn (yet still in beautiful shape) and VERY comfortable flip flops, for which I paid $35 nearly three years ago, were innecessarily demolished by our one-year-old puppy. There was no need for that; he has other chew toys and knows not to attack our footwear, under pain of a chancletazo. Plus, despite the fact that my husband has been working for this particular bi-national company for just over six months, he has yet to receive any of his hard-earned income (thanks to the corruption and bureaucracy representative of much of LatinAmerica), and so, incurring such a frivolous and should-be unnecessary expense seems to me rather absurd!

And so, in light of this, I found myself stewing in my own anger at Keipo's destruction, considering how to balance good stewardship with forgiveness, acceptance, patience, "need" vs. want (although these were my only footwear item which I could use for cleaning house and walking with Keipo when it's rainy/muddy, due to being purely plastic -- so to me it is rather clear that I do, in fact, require just such an article of footwear) and doing without in light of no income. And this same rhythm of thought/argument/struggle has characterized my life ever since I was a child. Why is it that I grapple -- for days -- with the idea of replacing such things for myself, yet have no qualms about giving much larger sums to a particular clinic in Haiti? Then again, is my reasoning aberrant?

This rather lengthly prelude leads me to three things for which I find myself particularly grateful this morning:

1. An Understanding Husband -- Daily I give thanks for the man with whom I have been blessed to share life, and he never ceases to amaze me with his unending patience and understanding nature. I have much to learn from him; his immediate response last night was to comfort me upon the loss of my beloved right sandal and to say, "First thing when I return from work tomorrow we'll go in search of some new sandals for you, okay?" It just wasn't an issue for him: my sandal was wrecked and no longer useable, and so it must be replaced. Simple. And problem solved. Of course, his being so understanding and relaxed made me feel horrid about how I had reacted; and, of course, I knew that he was right. But I didn't feel any less twisted up inside by the "injustice" of what had happened. How is it that, sometimes when we feel the most loved and cared for, we also feel more awful about our true selves and undeserving of being on the receiving end of such understanding and generosity?

2. Turning Points -- I realize that this is sort of a lumped-together point, but I am grateful for the simple things in life, the everyday little occurrances which have things to teach me. Like, for example, paying the bills or cleaning the house -- I find that in these little acts of care and responsibility I am reminded of the importance of contributing to the world around me in a positive way. "Being responsible" has it's own reward, as things tend to operate more smoothly, but there are also little "aha!" moments that come now and again as I wash our laundry by hand, or bathe our dog, or prepare dinner, and I am grateful to have a family for which to care.

3. Something Borrowed -- In light of my sandal-less present, my husband offered me the use of his sandals -- a bit too big for me, but still comfy and practical, and they worked beautifully as I walked Keipo on our freshly-rained-upon streets this morning. Whether a book borrowed from the library, a ladder from the in-laws, or my husband's sandals, I am reminded that it isn't always necessary to own an object. There is beauty in the sharing, in less-consumeristic actions and in making better use of what is around.

Friday, October 15, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 17

And now, to continue with my somewhat sporadic -- but truly sincere -- reflections about the things for which I am grateful:

1. Going for a Walk -- Whether with my husband and my dog, or alone, walking simultaneously clears my mind and refreshes my body, at the same time bringing clarity to thoughts and situations that sometimes seem a little muddled when in the confines of my house in a sedentary activity. It is almost like journaling, in a sense; one is a flow of words, the other a flow of physical motions -- and, in the end, both serve to excavate little bits and pieces of what lies beneath the surface of me.

2. A Good Book -- I have had the pleasure to read many a good book in my day -- thanks in large part to where I happened to grow up, in Canada, always with access to well-supplied libraries and numerous resources of which to take advantage. Add to that several friends with exquisite taste in literature who are kind enough to recommend to me and gift me with many a masterpiece, and my own personal library -- borrowed and owned -- has expanded much beyond what I had ever dreamed. Here in Panama, as in much of Latin America, the literary selection is significantly minimized and, while I own and have read several books in the native Spanish, it remains difficult to get my hands on specific works which I have been longing to read. That said, I have had a few friends offer to ship some books my way -- and oh, what a joy it will be when they finally arrive! To slip into the worlds of past, present and future, and to learn from the well-developed characters as they go about their lives...is there anything richer?

3. StrengthsFinder -- I have long been a fan of studies and writings on personalities and their make-up, for I am fascinated by the intricacies of each individual's forma de ser. Over the years, this has resulted in my reading of several such books (beautifully tying into today's 2 above), and among these I have one particular favourite; well, two, really...so I'm going to cram them both into this point because, as I have discovered, they work beautifully in tandem. The first is the Clifton StrengthsFinder, which was developed by Gallup (for a look at the strength themes outlined within click here). This is a fantastic, refreshing approach to our individual gifts and strengths, and encourages a focus on what we do best rather than endlessly trying to fix our shortcomings -- while still holding that a degree of "damage control" often is important in certain areas, such as tact, public speaking, etc. Along with the StrengthsFinder I have found reading about the Enneagram to be exceedingly helpful in my own self-awareness. And, while there are many books on the topic, the best I have found -- contrary to my intuition, for often books labeled as "Christian" lack a grasp on reality -- is The Enneagram, A Christian Perspective, by Rorh and Ebert. The Enneagram in itself is a 3-dimensional personality study, not simply pinning one down as a specific number, but also looking at the height and depth of the growth among the nine levels of spiritual health and maturity taking place within one at any given time. As Ebert himself says, "If you don't sense the whole thing as somehow humiliating, you haven't yet found your number. The more humiliating it is, the more you are looking the matter (of who you truly are) right in the eye." (For a deeper look at what the Enneagram is all about, click here).


I highly recommend both these books to one and all! You will be amazed at how much better you get to know yourself!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Some Thoughts on Gratitude

When I first set out to use The Gratitude Project as inspiration for writing, I didn't consciously consider that there would be moments in which "being grateful" would result difficult for me. Generally, I am rather an optimistic person, cheerful, friendly, and truly thankful for many things. I credit much of this to my grandmother, and to my great-grandfather, and, more recently, to the influence of my wonderful husband who is, like all of us, far from perfect -- yet, without a doubt, absolutely perfect for me.

These past several weeks, however, have been marked by some uncharacteristically painful moments caused by life-changing events: the hospitalization of my grandfather and his subsequent move to a permanent care home; the hospitalization of my husband's grandfather who, at present, remains in ICU; and, just weeks after his addition to our family, the sudden death of our second puppy, Toon.

Needless to say, I have been somewhat more emotional that usual. And, this past Monday marked Thanksgiving Day -- at least in Canada. And so, being Canadian, although living abroad, I paused to consider what thanksgiving (intentionally lower-case) might mean during a season of profound pain.

My first instinct was to laugh at what seemed, to me, two contradictory states of being: thankful and sad; grateful and burdened. And then I realized that I needed to shift my paradigm of thinking -- to hold each in one hand, as it were, and to let my life be balanced out by both. We are seldom, it seems, in a state of pure euphoria or pure tragedy, for our lives as tapestries are utterly complex even when uncomplicated and there are infinite factors which add either a small measure of hope or a greater measure of despair to the situation in which we find ourselves in any given moment: a smile from the nurse who comes humbly to change your grandfather's diaper, the excited wag of a puppy's tail as he greets you, a grandmother who curses her family out of her own pain.

And so, I became grateful. In my heart and my very soul I gave thanks for the people and things with which I have been blessed: health, a life with my soul-mate, family and friends, an education, the ability to work (although I may not at the moment), a family with my dog(s), a passion for learning, for coffee, for art, for life, for travel -- for having today, one more day in which to bless those around me by my actions and my words, written or spoken, and to make the burden a little lighter for those who walk around me.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 16

1. Holding Hands -- I love to hold my husband's hand. Although a simple gesture, it is also very personal, very loving. It says, "I love you, and I love to be with you. I love to touch you, and you are special to me"...and oh-so-much more!

2. Coconut Milk/Water -- Such a refreshing, naturally hydrating, antibacterial beverage! I've always loved it, and now that I live in a land in which coconuts are in abundance, I appreciate it even more! Watching my husband open a coconut from our backyard and carefully open it up for me to enjoy the water and the fruit on the inside...ahh! Pure enjoyment!

3. Crabs in the Ocean -- My personal interaction with crabs is relatively recent, and my enjoyment of them comes not from cuisine but rather from watching Keipo play with them when he finds them in the rocky part where beach meets ocean. More often than not, the crab gets away from him, but when the encounter lasts even for a minute or two the sheer pleasure that Keipo gets from that interaction is positively infectious and we all end up laughing and having a great time!

The Gratitude Project: Day 15

1. Book Clubs -- As one who loves to read, my enjoyment of reading has only been heightened by belonging to a book club. Ahh, to be able to discuss -- intellectually, emotionally, personally -- a particular novel or non-fiction work with fellow passionate readers is to enter into the literary world on an even deeper level and to bring its pleasure to the fullest!

2. A Cold Beer On a Hot Day -- Really, this requires no further explanation besides to remark on how refreshing and pleasurable is this beverage here in the tropics!

3. The Sound of a Cat Purring -- So soothing, so utterly peaceful, absolutely reassuring. And no matter how independent was my Kitty, she always delighted in my company and had no qualms about letting me know to what extent with her generous purring!

The Gratitude Project: Day 14

1. A Good Bed -- There is nothing like a good, solid mattress to inspire a deep, restful sleep. Need I say more?

2. VICK'S Vapo Rub -- Whether plagued by a sore throat, a cough, or muscular aches, VICK'S is my very favourite ointment -- and the aroma is enough to relax and soothe.

3. Good Health -- As the saying goes, "if you've got your health, you've got everything." So true! How difficult even the simplest things can be if one is under the weather or terminally ill. And upon the body healing and restoring itself to "normal" (a relative term, to be sure!), how thankful I am once again to be able to cook, to walk with ease, just to be able to breathe again! Yes, most certainly I am grateful for good health.

The Gratitude Project: Day 13

As we have just been informed that my husband's grandfather has been hospitalized due to a fractured hip, I am once again reminded that life is a gift and we know not how many moments we have on this earth to enjoy with friends and family, an even with oneself. Sometimes we tend to think that "the little things" don't matter all that much, but I disagree; I believe that a life largely is made up of the little things, brief moments, simple pleasures, and that, over time, these things add up to compose a life enjoyed -- a life truly lived.

Some of these "little things" for me are:

1. Ceramic Mugs -- I don't exactly know when my collection of ceramic mugs began, and it was never a conscious effort to begin said collection, but somehow over travels and art fairs I found myself drawn to the unique creations of drinking mugs. I probably have around 20 mugs of different shapes, sizes, colours and personalities -- for that is really what it comes down to, isn't it! Depending on the day and the degree of my intro- or extrovertedness in the moment, a particular mug appeals to me on a soul level. Is this laughable? It's reality. Enjoying my coffee or tea from one such vessel is, for me, a connection with art, with creativity, with life! And oh, how I do miss these mugs of mine, packed away in boxes, awaiting our someday reunion!

2. Looking at Old Photographs -- Have you ever sat down with your grandmother and her photo albums? The stories she tells you as the photographs on display conjure up memories of generations past, of people and places and events too far back in history for your knowing -- such a treasure trove of stories of your own family and, ultimately, of your very own life! Or seeing photos for the first time of your husband when he was just a baby, then a toddler, then a young boy, a young man -- of all the life in him even before the two of you met! It never ceases to amaze me how a stillframe can capture a moment in time and preserve it there for future viewing. It is a gift, a reminder of youth and of aging, of life and of living -- of every event having its season (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).

3. My Husband's Grandfather -- I know of only one other man so patient, so kind, so optimistic, so good-humoured, and so at peace: this was my own great-grandfather. And my husband's grandfather is of the same nature. He is always at ease, always thankful, always glad to crack a joke and share the gift of laughter -- and he reminds me not to take myself too seriously and to enjoy every moment in life!

Gratitude Project: Interrupted

A happy Wednesday morning to you all!

My apologies for the break in writing, but the fact of the matter is that I was without internet for several days, due to the necessary travel owing to the fall and subsequent hip fracture of my husband's grandfather. However, I still did write down -- using the archaic pen and paper! -- three things each day for which I am thankful, and so I will share them with you following this post, although each separate day will be tagged with today's date. No matter; I believe it is the principle behind the precept which is of most importance.

Happy reading!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 12

The sun is shining and the dogs are sleeping, and I'm listening to some mean Bruce Hornsby! Could the morning get any better?! Perhaps only as I reflect on three more wonderful "little things" in life for which I am grateful:

1. Receiving a Letter in the Mail -- I always find encouragement when I open an envelope addressed to me, knowing that a friend has taken the time to hand-write those words to me. The tangible feel of the always unique stationary and the one-of-a-kind curve and sway of a distinct cursive. I have long been an amateur of letter writing (in the sense that I write for the pure enjoyment of it, not that I'm unskilled or inexperienced in it), and I find great joy in putting little personal touches in a letter -- colour and style of stationary that I am certain the person to whom I am writing will appreciate, coloured ink (on occasion), calligraphy embellishments, and, to finish it off, a personalized wax seal. Ahh! The art of letter writing, and the way it lifts the spirits of both the writer and the reader!


2. Re-Watching a Favourite Comedy with Friends -- There are some movies or programs that just never get old, particularly when one has the opportunity to re-live the experience (sometimes over and over) with friends who also appreciate the comedy. Some such movies for me are Ishtar (my personal number one), Raising Arizona, and Meet the Parents/Meet the Fockers. Classics, all! And with just the right company, movie night makes for wonderful memories for years to come.

3. Massage -- Whether for therapeutic/medical reasons with a professional, or by my amateur husband (in this case, both untrained and one who enjoys), this most certainly is one of life's little pleasures! So relaxing for me, and it even makes my husband feel good knowing how much enjoyment the massage gives. Of course, one must reciprocate -- so at the end of the evening, we both are feeling relaxed and content, and inevitably a good, deep sleep follows.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 11

Last night I baked some fresh herb bread to have with dinner, and my husband and I both loved it! I used a new recipe, always a bit of a gamble, but I was quite pleased with the finished product. The only change I will make for next time is to include a bit of garlic powder to give it a bit more of a savoury flavour. And that bread is, in part, what inspired the following:

1. Fresh-baked Bread -- Any kind of bread, whether plain old white or whole wheat, sweet-sticky cinnamon buns or savoury cheesy breads -- if it has just come out of the oven, it is to die for! Not only does it melt in your mouth, it also makes the whole house smell heavenly! I could almost make a meal of bread, perhaps pair it with some cheese and wine, and to me it is a feast!

2. Dinners with Extended Family -- Despite the noise and chaos, and occasional tension between certain individuals, for me family dinners have always been a looked-forward-to event. Of course, there are occasionally awkward moments when your aunt insists that you must have been tanning in a salon because she just can't fathom that your skin tone is that even from the two weeks you just spent in Haiti, or the uncle who nibbles at all the food before it has been served, but all in all it is a time of connection with the people who have known you literally all your life -- and even though the connection sometimes isn't as "deep" as one would like it to be, there is still a comfort in knowing that this is your family. And above all, seeing the look of joy and satisfaction on Grandma and Grandpa's faces as they see their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren all interacting in their home, seeing the family that they have created -- this is absolutely priceless.

3. My Mennonite Roots -- As a kid I just assumed that all the world was Mennonite, because all the people in my immediate world really were. I grew up in small-town Saskatchewan, among the fourth and fifth generation of Mennonites who had originally settled in the area after immigrating from Central and Eastern Europe in 1885 and 1895. So "being Mennonite" was really nothing special to me; all it meant was that we'd eat faspa and have a meddah-schlope on Sundays (I'm probably butchering these spellings, but any Mennonites out there will probably understand what I'm getting at), and that we most definitely went to our Mennonite church and always sang in the most beautiful harmonies. Now, as an adult, I can see the beauty of and the value in their pacifist lifestyle (no, not passive, but peacemaking) and their commitment to following the lifestyle of Jesus to the best of their ability. Of course, they do this imperfectly; we are all imperfect realities of the values we hold. But the more I learn about Mennonite history (beginning, really, with Martin Luther, then the Anabaptists, and finally Menno Simons), the more inspired I am to live a life of integrity -- and honoured that I have parents and grandparents who model this way of life for me.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 10

I am noticing a pattern within my list of things for which I am grateful: there appears to be much thankfulness for the things of technology -- which, to some, might seem rather impersonal. I would argue that it depends on how one uses these technological contraptions; any tool may be used as a means to either a positive or negative end. Perhaps much of this technological gratitude stems from the fact that, in this season in my life, I do rely more heavily on technology for my communications than ever before. Living in Panama and wanting to mantain contact with family and friends back in Canada, dealing with the same bank back in Canada, even continuing my degree -- all these aspects of a balanced life have now, for me, come to mean adjusting the manner in which I interact with people and institutions and have necessarily had to adapt to my computer largely being the medium through which I communicate, whether through the written or spoken word.

Hence the three "little things" inspired today:

1. Our iPod -- As a lover of music, being both a musician and appreciator of other musicians' work, music has always been an important aspect of my life. I also value silence, but there is often music playing in the background in our home. And, seeing as we had to pack up our life and move to Panama nearly ten months ago, it didn't seem rational to bring our hundreds of CDs along with us and have them take up our limited and valuable space. Thus, we invested in an iPod with which to carry the music contained in all our CDs in a much more compact fashion. And what a joy it has been! I have long desired a life of simplicity, and have just as long struggled with how to achieve that best -- and whether the acquisition of more expensive contrivances is justified in streamlining and simplifying a life -- and I do believe in this case that it has been appropriate. And I love that my entire music library -- and podcasts besides -- is contained in a slim 103.5 x 61.8 x 13.5 mm rectangle, weighing a mere 162 grams!
(Measurements courtesy of www.bluefoxvideo.com)

2. On-line Correspondence Courses -- I am happy to say that I am in the home stretch of completing my degree from the University of Saskatchewan; however, living in Panama has put the brakes on my progress with it, to some degree. However, on-line Correspondence Courses have helped patch up some of the voids, and I absolutely love the freedom of schedule and flexibility they offer! How great it is to be a student of the U of S from the beaches of Panama!

3. On-line Banking -- I've already referred to this above, but I felt the need to incorporate it into today's gratefulnesses. :) It's a snap to deal with chequing and savings accounts, as well as paying off the VISA bill and eliminating my student line of credit. And ah, the peace it brings to see progress being made!

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 9

Another beautiful beginning to another beautiful week! And to kick it off, here are three things which have struck me as particularly special this morning:

1. Weekends -- Whether it runs from Friday evening to Sunday evening or is designated to two traditional weekdays, the weekend is a wonderful gift. And this past one for me was refreshing and encouraging as well as restful; an opportunity to connect with friends and family for good conversation, good food, and making memories, as well as some time at home with "the kids," Keipo and Toon, our puppies.


2. LUSH -- I have a profound respect for any company that produces its products with locally-grown, natural and organic materials as far as possible, and LUSH certainly does this and more! This company boasts "fresh handmade cosmetics," many of which come "naked" -- free of wrappers or containers. Some such products include their solid shampoos, facial cleansers, deodorants and massage bars, for which reusable tins can also be purchased (a reality that I love)! And the aromas are heavenly -- coconut, citrus, vanilla, patchouli -- LUSH has something for everyone's taste! (Okay, this is beginning to sound like an advertisement gimick, but I swear I gain nothing from spreading the naked gospel but pure satisfaction that I am helping to share the good news of LUSH's products and how positively life-changing and environmentally responsible is the use of them!)

3. Starbucks Coffee Company -- Yes, right off the bat, let me state that I did work for this company for several years. And, with the exception of the periodic irrational-customer experience, I loved it! And this morning I find myself once again feeling incredibly grateful for the things that Starbucks taught me -- from "legendary customer service" to the immaculate quality of espresso-based beverages, teas, coffees and the like; from distinguishing the subtleties of aroma, acidity, body and flavour of different coffees from different regions to the artful creativity and discipline required in managing a store. I am glad for the inspiration of the pioneers who made the European-style coffee shop a North American reality, and for the passion of Howard Schultz as he developed the establishment further. I am grateful for the distinguished Black Apron and for the coffee mastery which it represents. And, above all, I am thankful that the skills and education which Starbucks gave to me can be applied every day as I enjoy experimenting with and creating my own signature beverages at home for my husband and I, and for the joy it brings to our guests when we offer them such a fine espresso-based beverage!


Photos courtesy of: www.starbucks.com/menu and www.lush.ca

Saturday, September 25, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 8

Happy Saturday!

As I type this, our German Shepherd-Labrador cross is sleeping snuggled on my lap. Toon (for that's what we named him) came to us just 2 days ago. He's about 7 weeks old and, although scrawny, is very feisty! He is what inspired my first topic of gratitude for the day:

1. New Life -- Be it a baby, a puppy or a plant, new life is always refreshing, mesmerizing, and awe-inspiring. I could (and do!) just sit for hours, watching this tiny little body breathing, sleeping, playing; admiring its tiny paws and beautiful, soft eyes. I am so thankful that we have been given the opportunity to care for this little guy, and for the fun and companionship that he has already brought to our dog Keipo, a 11-month old Rottweiler-Doberman cross. They're buddies already, and spend hours playfighting! It's fun to watch, and the two of them have brought many smiles and much laughter to my husband and to me already!

2. Our Camera -- Especially now that we're living in Panama, close to my husband's family but multiple thousands of kilometers away from mine, as well as our friends, our camera has played an even more important role in everyday life. It is so wonderful to be able to send photos back home to give people an idea of where we live -- our environment, the geography of the country, our home, the people here, and our playful dogs.

3. Ceramic Tile Flooring -- I've long thought that I would prefer not to have any carpeting in my home, with the exception of decorative area rugs, and now that we live in a house that has all ceramic tile I am loving it! Particularly these days with Toon doing his business anywhere and everywhere, it's a snap to clean up -- though he does have me working overtime with the mop and bucket. It's a good thing for him he's so cute!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 7

Good morning! I've had a great start to the day, starting with a typical breakfast with my husband before he heads to work, and then a brisk walk with our Rottweiler-Doberman cross...and now some CCR -- Creedence Clearwater Revival, for you unfortunate souls who may be unfamiliar with their groovy vibes from the 1960's and 70's. I realize that I am rather a musical eclecticist, with tastes ranging from artists like Joni Mitchell, Peter Gabriel, Marc Anthony, Juan Luis Guerra, Maná, Michael Bublé, Seals and Crofts, Kate Rusby, Antonio Vivaldi, James Taylor, Mika, and the abovementioned CCR; in my mind, the broader the selection, the greater the enjoyment -- and the more fitting one's personal soundtrack which accompanies her through life.

Today I find myself particularly thankful for:

1. Our Neighbour -- Well, okay; she actually lives 15 houses down from us...and, to be honest, she doesn't really live there -- she just visits her grandson every morning. But nearly each morning without fail, as I am walking Keipo, we greet each other -- she from the front patio, and I from the sidewalk. Her little grandson is about 7 months old and always excited to see Keipo, and Keipo is likewise enthused at this human "pup" who is becoming his friend. Though always a brief interaction, something about this woman lifts my spirits for the morning. Perhaps it is her friendly nature, or the fact that she is a familiar face in an as yet much unknown city; in any case, I am glad to see her every morning and do miss her face on the days when our paths do not cross.

2. Coffee -- Is there are more versatile, adaptable, enjoyable beverage?! Hot or cold, on its own or with milk, cream, sugar, syrup, fruit, liqueurs -- the possibilities are endless! And particularly mesmerizing is the beauty of a quality espresso-based beverage. My timeless favourite is the americano, but of course I do enjoy the frequent latte and the occasional cappuccino provided they are topped with dense, creamy foam. Ah, I get excited just thinking about it!

3. Clean Bedsheets -- There is nothing more relaxing for me than climing into my bed made with just-washed sheets smelling fresh and clean! A shower, a cup of decaffeinated chai tea and crawling into bed -- heavenly!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 6

Today I am grateful for the progress I've been able to make as far as washing our laundry; hence the inspired first element for this day:

1. The Sun -- I am daily grateful for the light and warmth it offers each day, and for its role in agriculture, horticulture and the very beauty of nature; however, today I am particularly grateful for the break in rainy weather and the beautiful sunlight which has dried my clothes hanging out on the line. It truly is a gift!

2. My Grandmother -- I enjoyed an hour-and-a-half long conversation with her this morning, and this woman never ceases to amaze me. She is perhaps the most patient, loving, active, optimistic, realistic person I know. Even in the face of adversity she gives thanks to God for "grace for today," and leads those around her by example. If I become half the woman she is, my husband is a lucky man! :)

3. A Yellow Bouncy Ball -- This simple toy provides our dog Keipo with hours of entertainment every day! It's also a plus that it allows him to burn off excess energy playing fetch, as well as doubling as a chew toy. I'm thinking we'll have to invest in another one soon for the second puppy we have coming our way!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 5

It is good to make the conscious effort to be grateful, especially in moments where one's primary emotion or feeling is not one of thankfulness, as is the case for me at present. However, even as I continue thinking of three small details which inspire gratitude in me, I can sense my mood lifting.

1. Sushi -- I have always loved eating sushi, particularly nori rolls, along with the pickled ginger and wasabi and a splash of soy sauce; however, my enjoyment of this activity reached new levels the first time I made it for my husband. The look of pure delight on his face as he dips each piece of sushi and watches it soak up the soy sauce, and then as he savours the mix of flavours, is even more wonderful to me than eating sushi myself! Of course, I still have a plate of my own and join him in the exotic meal. He doesn't need to know that I'm paying more attention to his reactions than to my own, right?

2. Chai Tea -- Such a flavourful combination of spices: cardamom, anise, cinnamon, cloves, ginger and the like! And, accompanied by milk and honey, it's the perfect after-dinner drink. I especially love home-made chai tea using fresh spices, but my favourite bagged variety is made by TAZO, which also happens to have a fabulous, fun, educational, interactive website.

3. On-line Recipes -- I've always been a fan of cooking, and I like to try new combinations of ingredients and making cuisine from different parts of the world. Over time, I amassed several cookbooks (which I did use frequently, if even to inspire what would then become my own concoction of foods) which are now sitting in a box in storage in Canada while I am here in Panama. And so I have entered the world of searching on-line for recipes -- and what a wealth of information there is to be found! A few of my favourite websites are: Martha Stewart (which is so much more than just food!) and Meals Matter, which also has tools such as a meal planner, personal nutrition planner, recipes, shopping lists, and helpful articles about food, cooking and nutrition. Not only is meal planning fun, it is now a more visual experience for me and easier as I can see things laid out for the days, weeks, and even months ahead!

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 4

Happy Monday to one and all!

And now for an apology: I repent of my waywardness this weekend; apparently all it takes to break me of my routine is a different start to Saturday and Sunday. I am ashamed to admit -- dare I? -- that this blog didn't even cross my mind until this morning...although, for what it's worth, I did spend the entire weekend enjoying the little things and being thankful for the memories made.

I am also quite convinced that this site is, as yet, unknown, an undiscovered gem or source of insufferable babble, depending upon the beholder, I suppose; thus I really don't feel too bad about this breach of consistency!

Some of the beautiful gifts of life that particularly strike me this morning are:

1. Driving/exploring out in the country -- As a child I always loved it when my family went "exploring" down country roads out on the prairies of Saskatchewan. Little finds like century-old abandoned, falling-down barns and houses; rolling hills or flat plains of crops; rivers and lakes, forests and grassland; just getting to know one's surroundings near and far. This weekend my husband and I went driving in the mountains about an hour from the capital city, and such a peaceful, beautiful experience it was! Mountain streams and rippling brooks, jungle vegetation and spacious, rustic lots for sale interspersed with tropical homes and weekend cabins -- a wonderfully refreshing and inspiring morning during which the seeds of a dream were planted in our minds for our someday future dwelling place! It gives us something to work toward, and we would love to be able to offer it to friends and family when they visit!


2. Fresh herbs -- Ahhh...! There is nothing like a garnish of fresh rosemary, thyme, basil, mint and the like. Or to add them to home-made sauces, breads, pizzas, beverages -- the possibilities are endless! And the burst of flavour which they add, their unique aroma and texture, bring life to any dish and to any kitchen as potted plants.

3. Podcasts -- What a great (potential) teaching tool! For the past year and a half I have been hooked on podcasts from The Meeting House, "a church for people who aren't into church," located in Ontario, Canada. Ramón and I have been listening to their podcasts and watching their videocasts, as well as following their teaching materials. Something about their teaching resonates deeply with my Mennonite roots, and I am daily challenged and reminded of what truly is important in life.

Friday, September 17, 2010

The Gratitide Project: Day 3

Good day, all!

Is it odd to begin each post with a greeting? After all, I know not whether I even have any readers. Call it optimism or an ingrained habit, but it just doesn't sit well with me to jump right into writing without first sharing a salutation, though it were only to be lost in cyber-world.

Any of you who have followed a similar Gratitude Project might be able to relate with a current "problem" which I seem to be having: I find myself scrutinizing which three gratitude-inspiring items will make it into the top three for each day. For there are many things for which I am thankful, whether people or things or even concepts, and each presses for attention. I have no illusions that my top three for any given day are by any means noble; I simply try to acknowledge which things resonate with who I am and perhaps have brought me some measure of happiness or pleasure in the present or past. And so, here goes for another day:

1. Birkenstocks -- I am pleased to have at my disposal one pair of Birkenstocks, a relatively recent aquisition which was a "just because" gift from my thoughtful husband. Actually, it gets even better: he surprisingly found them in a second-hand store; they were the only pair there, exactly my size, and looked as though they had not once been worn! Though the breaking-in process was long and somewhat physically painful, they are now my most-loved, comfortable, and frequently worn footwear. The moment I slide my feet into them, it is the feeling of old friends being reunited -- day after day after day!

2. Rain -- Living now as we do in Panama City, Central America, tropical rains are a constant reality, except during the four-month "summer" (which is the dry season; funnily enough, the eight-month rainy season is referred to as "winter", despite the fact that the temperature seldom drops below 30ºC). And, although the rain makes it difficult to launder and dry our clothes, the way it refreshes everything -- the land, the air, the temperature -- extends even to my mind and my spirit, and I feel as though, just as the land has received a thorough washing from nature as the spontaneous rivers carry away the dirt and debris, so, too, has my soul been cleansed.

3. Papaya -- I am a dedicated lover of all fruits tropical; really, all fruit, regardless from whence it comes. And while I miss the fresh raspberries, strawberries and saskatoonberries of my home and native land, there is something about the flavourful, tender flesh of the papaya that never ceases to please me! Whether on its own, accompanied by yogurt or other fruits, or in a smoothie, papaya is always a winning choice. And as they grow here in Panama in abundance, I am grateful that I am seldom without this delicious accompaniment upon my plate!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 2

Hello again! I must admit that I am feeling a sense of accomplishment (be it ever so premature) at having posted for two consecutive days. This is a first for me, and just may be sufficient motivation to keep up with this as part of my daily routine ;)

It strikes me that a list of just three things is rather incomplete for any day, but perhaps over the course of the month as I sum up 90 gratefulnesses the jigsaw puzzle of the simple (and complex) pleasures that touch my life will begin to take better shape. Besides, who's to say that my list has to end at 90? (Fret not; my published list will end at 90, but my personal list just may go on and on...)!

Three of the things that come to mind this morning are:

1. James Taylor -- Am I allowed to be grateful for people I don't know personally? I think my friend Heather might support me in this one, knowing how she and I share a deep love for and connection with this artist's music. There is something beautiful about a man whose musical and lyrical talent bless the lives of others as he gives expression to the things, both happy and sad, joyous and challenging, that we face every day. I recently learned that he spent a considerable time dealing with depression; strangely enough, rather than diminsh the esteem I have for good ol' James, my respect for and admiration of him increased. There is an honesty and authenticity to him that resonates with me somewhere deep in my soul. And, whether I'm feeling up or down, every time I play his songs my spirit lifts a bit higher and I smile from the inside out.

2. My Husband -- Those of you who know him can attest that, from the moment that he and I met, I nearly instantly arrived at my equilibrium. I am grounded, yet soaring when we are together; there is stability and adventure wherever we go. Every morning I awake grateful to be beside my very best friend; every day I feel the honour of caring for and being cared for by him, and of sharing life together. Life has become more beautiful and memories more magical with him by my side!

3. Skype -- In a world where every day things seem to operate on an increasingly impersonal level, Skype is a fantastic example of a technology that can bring people closer together! During a semester of studies in Guatemala it enabled my then-fiancé and I to talk "face-to-face" every day; and now that we find ourselves living in Central America, it is the medium through which we stay connected with family and friends in Canada and around the world! I am particularly grateful that it has allowed us to maintain a close relationship with our very young nieces, to whom a faceless phone conversation becomes dull after the first 30-seconds. With Skype, at least, I can almost feel their hugs as they hug their computer, and they "help" me give our dog treats from their side of the screen. No matter that he doesn't understand the family connection; it's really not about him anyway! :)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Gratitude Project: Day 1

I've been wanting to do this for quite some time, and today marks Day 1 of 30 in choosing to deliberately, intentionally reflect upon things that I often take for granted but which, in the end, really are blessings. Some may be simple, some may be big and complex, but in the end ALL influence my life and, hopefully, make me a better person.

Today being the very first day, a myriad of things come to mind for which I am thankful, so I've decided to touch on the first three that strike me as particularly influential:

1. Literacy -- I am grateful for the ability to read and to write, to communicate with others not only through the spoken word, but the written as well. I am grateful to be able to read the literary works of those who have gone before me and those living now who have been thoughtful enough to share their experiences, ideas, epiphanies and dreams with the world. I am grateful for the media through which we can express ourselves, through which I am able to express myself.

2. Breakfast with my Husband every Morning -- I am grateful for the opportunity to start off every day together with my husband, and for the chance to enjoy breakfast and a cup of coffee -- americano, latte, cappuccino or a simple drip -- with one another, and for the time it gives us for conversation as we enjoy these simple pleasures. It is a true time of connection between us.

3. Early morning Walks with my Dog -- I am grateful that my dog Keipo's necessity to walk every morning and evening has established for me a routine of exercise each day. I never cease to be amazed and inspired by his enthusiasm at seeing a bird, another dog, or people; smelling the grass, chasing a fly, and walking proudly as though fully enjoying and engaging with everything he sees.

Being Grateful

Good morning!

It has been quite some time since my last entry. Actually, it is probably more precise to say that I've been somewhat wayward after creating this blog nearly two months ago. After my initial two entries I grappled for a time with whether or not to continue giving this website life, being tempted to forget about it altogether.

Not that I don't enjoy writing; on the contrary, it is something that I love and which flows naturally from my fingers, whether using a pen and paper or my computer keyboard. Rather, the near-decision of aborting this operation came from feeling that I had let my narcissistic side get the better of me in creating a blog at all. I think we all have a bit of Narcissus in us, to varying degrees at different moments in our life. And I believe that, if these tendencies are kept in check, we can avoid a tragic ending like the one taught in Classic Greek mythology or in Herman Melville's beautiful novella Billy Budd (a fantastic read, for those of you unfamiliar with it). In the end, I have come to the conclusion that this project can be an exercise in discipline, bringing me back to the writing that I so enjoy and helping me to develop a more creative and exact communication -- properties that I feel are waning in my absence from and English-speaking life.

And so, to help me kick off a steady, disciplined writing routine, I have decided to follow the example of other writers and friends and engage inthe reflections inspired by The Gratitude Project, using this site as the canvass upon which to paint my musings. It is my hope that this daily gratefulness might bring you cheer and elevate your own sense of gratitude. Enjoy!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Laughter

I am presently in what feels like a no-man's land as I muddle through the red-tape and bureaucracy of my application for temporary residency in a country which is different from that of my birth.

I am amazed as I consider how lines that have been drawn on paper representations of the Earth have come to be recognized as borders -- national, political and religious -- and how, for each citizen of this planet, one is considered to be either "in" or "out," depending on what is written in other paper and electronic documents (passports, visas, travel itineraries, etc.) which track one's movement within and without those lines.

It is simply astonishing.

It is also a downright tiresome experience. I am certain that many of you who read this can relate to some degree; for anyone who has had to move or work abroad, either by choice or force, you know how exhaustive is the experience and how vulnerable it can make one feel.

Just this morning I made my way to Immigration for the umpteenth time, with all required documents in hand, all smiles in hopeful anticipation of finally having obtained all the necessary components for submission of my application for a temporary residency in a particular country in Latin America. On each prior trip to Immigration with the same intent, I was informed that my ever-growing folder of documents did not meet all requirements and, therefore, would not be accepted. Each time a different official informed me that I must make changes a, b and c and THEN resubmit my application -- only each time we received instructions, from Immigration Officials themselves, the nominal rules of the game were changed.

Today was no different.

I must admit that I've shed not a few tears throughout this whole ordeal -- tears of impotence, of frustration, of having entered an unjust system and being utterly at the mercy of immigration officials who, through all their explanations of contradictory "requirements" and procedures, are equally disinterested in any given person's situation or in improving the immigration process.

Really, at the state it's in from what I can see, it would be difficult NOT to improve.

The most frustrating of all is that nobody is willing to give you a list of all these "requirements of Immigration" -- not in writing, not a photocopy, not a link for the internet, not even written down for one to look at. They have the "old requirements," of course; but those only worked for the old system, apparently.

And so today, upon leaving Immigration yet again, without having been permitted to submit my application for temporary residency, yet again, instead of crying, I laughed. I laughed! This whole process has become somewhat comical; either that, or I've begun to lose my mind. And I realized that, really, all I can do is be patient. Keep moving forward. Ask questions. Be kind, yet persistent.

And laugh. I think perhaps it really is the best medicine.

Cracks and Light

Hello unknown audience! Welcome!

I have yet to decide exactly how much personal information to reveal, and yet at the heart of my writing is a desire to be utterly honest and transparent. For now I am content to let the blog take shape on its own as I write and share from experience and reflect upon what strikes me as significant or worthy of note.

I wish to state from the beginning that:
  • I believe that each person is in a continual process of growth and change.
  • In my experience, it seems that each individual does the best they can with what they have in any given moment.
  • I have found that to ruminate upon one's thoughts, conversations and experiences is to understand oneself better -- and, if one is willing, to become the wiser for it.

It is my hope that, in sharing these ponderings with the larger community, some light may get in through the cracks that we all feel now and again in our lives.