Some Thoughts on Gratitude

When I first set out to use The Gratitude Project as inspiration for writing, I didn't consciously consider that there would be moments in which "being grateful" would result difficult for me. Generally, I am rather an optimistic person, cheerful, friendly, and truly thankful for many things. I credit much of this to my grandmother, and to my great-grandfather, and, more recently, to the influence of my wonderful husband who is, like all of us, far from perfect -- yet, without a doubt, absolutely perfect for me.

These past several weeks, however, have been marked by some uncharacteristically painful moments caused by life-changing events: the hospitalization of my grandfather and his subsequent move to a permanent care home; the hospitalization of my husband's grandfather who, at present, remains in ICU; and, just weeks after his addition to our family, the sudden death of our second puppy, Toon.

Needless to say, I have been somewhat more emotional that usual. And, this past Monday marked Thanksgiving Day -- at least in Canada. And so, being Canadian, although living abroad, I paused to consider what thanksgiving (intentionally lower-case) might mean during a season of profound pain.

My first instinct was to laugh at what seemed, to me, two contradictory states of being: thankful and sad; grateful and burdened. And then I realized that I needed to shift my paradigm of thinking -- to hold each in one hand, as it were, and to let my life be balanced out by both. We are seldom, it seems, in a state of pure euphoria or pure tragedy, for our lives as tapestries are utterly complex even when uncomplicated and there are infinite factors which add either a small measure of hope or a greater measure of despair to the situation in which we find ourselves in any given moment: a smile from the nurse who comes humbly to change your grandfather's diaper, the excited wag of a puppy's tail as he greets you, a grandmother who curses her family out of her own pain.

And so, I became grateful. In my heart and my very soul I gave thanks for the people and things with which I have been blessed: health, a life with my soul-mate, family and friends, an education, the ability to work (although I may not at the moment), a family with my dog(s), a passion for learning, for coffee, for art, for life, for travel -- for having today, one more day in which to bless those around me by my actions and my words, written or spoken, and to make the burden a little lighter for those who walk around me.